I wish I had something super awesome to write.
February is the month when it's hard to see that things have changed and will change again. It's the month that memories and old ways of thinking come back or come up and it's hard to remember that the future is wide open and that you are not subject to the old ways. It's the month that always says, "Nothing's really going to change. You can fool yourself into thinking that but you know it will always come back to this. Or that. It's never going to go away." The trick is to step aside from those thoughts. Know that they are not you but they are things that seem to tag along with you for a while but that you are not them.
I have not been able to do this for February.
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What someone told me today:
- Being in love is not effortless. That's OK. It's active. It's worth it.
- Love has passion, intimacy, and commitment. Or love is those things. I think I can get behind that. Love is not accidental. Passion may be carried in by the wind, but without intimacy and commitment it will be carried out and you will be left there with your boring toys and empty chairs. Love is not just falling in love, I guess.
I think I'd like to look for work down there after I graduate. Maybe have a garden or something. And good, kind people. And banjos.
Anyway, carry on with your good work. Or start it. Whatever. Just get to it.
I should volunteer somewhere.
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The first time I heard this song I was sitting in my office at the American Lung Association of Chicago. It was probably 2005. I was dating dear Andrew, who was and is a good dude. I think it was cold and snowy that day. I had a huge floor-to-ceiling window that looked out onto a small courtyard. It was a Sunday afternoon and the office was empty.
